[TW rape culture] Games Women Play: We “Don’t Want Sex”

sanityscraps:

stfurapeculture:

This article was sent my way by unicornemma. First, let me say, if you’re running a website about sex and relationships, and you have a section called ‘games women play,’ congratulations: you’re perpetuating sexist and misogynist stereotypes! Fucking ridiculous.

As for this specific article, it reeks of rape culture. People, if you follow these tips, you are going to sexually harass and possibly sexually assault someone. Just don’t do it. The article reads:

Don’t take first signs of resistance as signs of failure. The case isn’t closed. Do remain curious and playful. Common signs of resistance include:

“I’m tired, I have a headache, I’m on my period”

“I have to finish this first, I have to get up early for work, something work something”

“I don’t think I’m ready, I want to go slow, I don’t feel like it, I just can’t, I don’t know if I want to or not.”

She talks about her boyfriend and puts it on him, “He would be heartbroken, he’d be upset, he won’t let me”

She picks a silly fight

She pretends she’s doing something very important

She invites her friend to go out with the two of you

She puts her desire on you, she makes it all about you wanting to sleep with her

If these sound familiar, it’s because they’re all examples of things we do when we really want to say no, but we’re trying to be polite. Please go and leave a comment if you have time, letting this woman (yes, a woman wrote this) know how wrong she is.

My emphasis added. Oh my god, this. This so much.

{tw: rape}

This is fucking frightening, especially the bolded part.

It’s because as women, we’re not allowed to be anything but smiling and polite. We can’t be aggressive or confrontational. It reminds me of that quote on rape culture from Tiger Beatdown, when if you aren’t polite and say no, someone could do something to you, and if you are polite and say no, they could do something to you anyway and say that you were leading them on.

And this is why I’m afraid to go outside. This is why I never go out at night, and when I have to, I tell friends where I’m going, text people that I got there safely, look at everyone around me to memorize facial features, clothing, etc.

And I’m afraid to be confrontational. I’m afraid to loudly speak up and say “NO!” because I don’t want a stand-offish man to become offended and rape me to put me in what he thinks is my place.

These are legitimate fears that run through every woman I know. They are perpetuated and supported by rape culture. And then people have the nerve to tell us that we should always be on the look-out, that we need to protect ourselves better, that we need to fight back and we wouldn’t be victims if we didn’t allow ourselves to be.

Rape culture does not help, and it comes in many forms. I don’t know why people don’t realize that.

This is fucking terrifying. I have done all of the things mentioned above, and I did them because I didn’t want sex but didn’t want to ~hurt his precious feelings~

Why do I give a shit about his feelings? Well…when I was in high school I declined to be someone’s girlfriend, and he threw a desk at me. A couple years later, I was pushed against the wall and when I turned my head instead of kissing him, he put his fist through the wall right next to my head. Several times I’d turn a guy away and he would spread nasty rumors about me.

I’m not saying all guys are insane, but more often than not there are repercussions for a woman being honest. So yeah, maybe that’s why I’m not as stern as I should be. But maybe it’s not my fault. Maybe if most guys could just take “no” for an answer, this wouldn’t be a fucking issue.